Synthesized answer
Siddhartha perceives Atman as being in the depths of his being, indestructible and one with the universe [5]. He had previously tried to find Atman by dissecting himself and peeling off layers, but in doing so, he had lost himself [1]. He recognized that Atman, in its essence, bore the same eternal characteristics as Brahman, but he had not truly found this self because he attempted to capture it in thought [2].
Siddhartha's suffering stemmed from his realization that while he knew much about external knowledge, he knew little about himself, Siddhartha, because he was afraid of himself and fleeing from himself [1, 4]. He believed that everything else was merely searching, a detour, and getting lost, and that the pristine source, Atman, had to be found within one's own self [3]. He learned to feel Atman in the depths of his being, indestructible and one with the universe [5].
Synthesized from the book passages below. Chat with the book on Feynman for follow-up.
From the book
is mystery of me being alive, of me being one and being separated and isolated from all others, of me being Siddhartha! And there is no thing in this world I know less about than about me, about Siddhartha!” Having been pondering while slowly walking along, he now stopped as these thoughts caught hold of him, and right away another thought sprang forth from these, a new thought, which was: “That I know nothing about myself, that Siddhartha has remained thus alien and unknown to me, stems from one cause, a single cause: I was afraid of myself, I was fleeing from myself! I searched…
it. Now he was with it, he was part of it. Light and shadow ran through his eyes, stars and moon ran through his heart. On the way, Siddhartha also remembered everything he had experienced in the Garden Jetavana, the teaching he had heard there, the divine Buddha, the farewell from Govinda, the conversation with the exalted one. Again he remembered his own words, he had spoken to the exalted one, every word, and with astonishment he became aware of the fact that there he had said things which he had not really known yet at this time. What he had said to Gotama: his, the Buddha’s,…
who knew so much, did he live in blissfulness, did he have peace, was he not also just a searching man, a thirsty man? Did he not, again and again, have to drink from holy sources, as a thirsty man, from the offerings, from the books, from the disputes of the Brahmans? Why did he, the irreproachable one, have to wash off sins every day, strive for a cleansing every day, over and over every day? Was not Atman in him, did not the pristine source spring from his heart? It had to be found, the pristine source in one’s own self, it had to be possessed! Everything else was searching, was…
own to his toes. And it was not long before he walked again, walked quickly like a man who knows what he has got to do. “Oh,” he thought, taking a deep breath, “now I would not let Siddhartha escape from me again! No longer, I want to begin my thoughts and my life with Atman and with the suffering of the world. I do not want to kill and dissect myself any longer, to find a secret behind the ruins. Neither Yoga-Veda shall teach me any more, nor Atharva-Veda, nor the ascetics, nor any kind of teachings. I want to learn from myself, want to be my student, want to get to know myself, the…
he wise men, practising debate with Govinda, practising with Govinda the art of reflection, the service of meditation. He already knew how to speak the Om silently, the word of words, to speak it silently into himself while inhaling, to speak it silently out of himself while exhaling, with all the concentration of his soul, the forehead surrounded by the glow of the clear-thinking spirit. He already knew to feel Atman in the depths of his being, indestructible, one with the universe. Joy leapt in his father’s heart for his son who was quick to learn, thirsty for knowledge; he saw him…